very very rough one here

[honeyk]

if you close your eyes and rub them with your
hands really hard
you can see multi-colored stars
that move to the beat of your heart
and swirl to the turn of your fist

if i could control the stars raining down on earth
i would send one to your house
and set fire to your roof
if i could make the wind blow violetly fast
i would make it pin you down and rip your clothes
as you have done to me

i would make the sea swell and crash down on you head
as your body crushed me lying on your bed
if i could control the earth, i would make it shake
break your house in two and dry your family's lake

and as you crawled along the ground, broken, bleeding
begging for your life
i would save you just to see
fear stab you like a knife

as youc an see,i couldnt decide on a coherant rythm for this one...if you have any suggestions as to present this ide more effectivly, i would really appreciate it!

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[Neologism]

i like the mood. you're use of imagery and shows the anger and resentment/revenge, but it's a little weak. Too many words are being used. I found myself drifting over the words in a choppy manner. Perhaps making it fast paced, yet detailed enough to convey the emotions, and the intent of the poem. It shows so much prospect though! I'd love to read it when it's revamped

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don't stare too long.